We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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