no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
