You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
