Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
