glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
only if we run a train.
done.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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