he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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