why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
