Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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