so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
