I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
