I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you win again, gameday.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
