I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
