She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
