Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
