I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
