Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
