tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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