I want to walk on stilts...naked
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
