Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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