living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
only if we run a train.
done.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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