dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
