Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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