I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
