the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
