Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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