this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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