I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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