Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
