hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
