Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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