I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
