He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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