I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
