i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
