i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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