cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
