youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
worst night to have a conscience
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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