that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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