He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
