i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
