I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My balls are so social today.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
