I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
