Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
