All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
