Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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