Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
