I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
