ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
