think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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