no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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