Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
